amh1988 | Fic ~ Ohno Is A Really Good Listener

W00T! Tuesday!!
*Happy Dance*

Not much to say here, but please read my short note at the end of this chapter. Also, lots of Oh-chan in this instalment. And the best part: It’s Ohno with a backbone. OOOooohh. o______O

Title: Spiral (Chapter 07 ~ Divulgence)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing: Sakurai/Aiba
Word Count: 2,500
Type: Multi-Chapter/Series
Summary: If confession is good for the soul, then Sakurai should feel saintly by the end of this night.

Prologue - Ouroborus - HERE
Chapter 01 - Parallels - HERE
Chapter 02 - Tempest - HERE
Chapter 03 - Philos - HERE
Chpater 04 - Sacrosanct - HERE
Chapter 05 - Discourse - HERE
Chapter 06 - Reminiscent - HERE

Disclaimer: I don’t own Arashi. I’m just using them to entertain myself. ~~(Just like Jonny)~~ ¬_¬ Neither did I come up with the basic concept of this story; I have simply written it at the request of jenny_desu. I took your idea babe, and I ran with it!

Spiral

Chapter 07 ~ Divulgence

Ohno Satoshi considered his dilemma seriously. He had faced the same decision countless time before, yet it never got any easier. He stood before the ticket kiosk of the train station and mentally debated his choice. Should he take the train that would see him home in time for dinner? Or should he take the train that would take him to the harbour while there were still a couple of hours of daylight left? He never knew which to choose.

The furtive talk he had called with the two youngest members had become an impromptu karaoke party and quite lively. But when it had wound down a short time ago, Ohno had declined Matsumoto’s offer to drive him home. He knew he would face this familiar impasse at the station, but he enjoyed taking his time to choose. Accepting a ride from the younger man would have left him with no other option but to go home.

As he stood, taking his time to make up his mind, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Absently, Satoshi took the device from his jacket to check the screen. Under normal circumstances the unassuming Idol rarely responded to such calls. Answering the call now, however, he acknowledged that things had been far from normal lately.

“Hello? Sho-kun?” He had always been uncomfortable speaking over the telephone and it showed here in his somewhat stilted greeting.

“Ah, you picked up…!?”

The surprise in his tone was understandable, Ohno knew. But the mixture of relief and fear he heard behind his friends’ words alerted him to the fact that something was not quite right with the man. “I did.” He replied evenly before adding more seriously: “What’s wrong?”

“Everything!” Sakurai growled angrily down the line. “I… I ruined everything. I’m sorry…”

Satoshi could hear his friend fighting to hold back tears. He did not know what caused them, be he knew it went beyond Sakurai feeling guilty for making things awkward within the group. Sho had always been the level-headed one; the one who kept the group together when tensions were strained. He was their shadow leader and the person Ohno had always relied upon to take care of them.

Now the gentle young man was crumbling and reaching out to him. Satoshi could not stand idly by and let someone else take up the responsibility. Sho deserved so much more for his kindness over the years and Ohno owed it to him to oblige. “Tell me what happened.” He suggested carefully down the line.

“I-I can’t.... Not– I don’t know, Leader! I don’t know what I was thinking… I- I did something horrible.”

Ohno quickly realised that the desperately upset caster needed more reassurance than he could offer over the phone. “Are you at home?” He asked when Sakurai came to a faltering stop.

“Not yet.” He replied miserably after a long pause. “I’m not sure…”

The older man interrupted then, hating the pitiful agony he could hear from his friend. “Go home Sho-kun.” He commanded more firmly than he ever had before. If Sakurai was as lost and confused as he sounded, then it fell to Ohno to grant him some direction.

“But–”

“I’ll meet you there.” Satoshi continued, resolutely forestalling any objections. Fearing that the other man might yet argue, Ohno quickly ended the call.

Pocketing the device, he turned his attention back to the ticket kiosk. There was no hesitation in him as he made his selection; there was no longer any choice to make. Although it was not always apparent, Satoshi knew when he had to put his friends first.

He reached Sakurai’s home before the younger man. After greeting Sho’s family and exchanging pleasantries, Ohno politely elected to wait in the casters bedroom. A short time later he heard Sakurai return. The rapper joined Satoshi without delay, stumbling into the room and slamming the door shut behind him.

As Sho met his eyes briefly and slumped dejectedly against the door, the older man said nothing. Putting one arm firmly around the rapper Ohno steered them both to sit side by side on the edge of the bed. He had never seen Sakurai – usually so stalwart and dependable – look so scared. He seemed so small; so lost. He did not ask any questions, but kept his arm around the man as they sat.

Sho immediately leaned into the embrace and rested his head on Ohno’s shoulder. It was a long time, however, before he spoke. When he did, his voice was thick with emotion but oddly monotone. “I met Aiba-chan today.” He spoke as if in a trance. “I bumped into him at lunch time. We ate together and we talked.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?” The smaller man queried softly when Sakurai did not continue.

“He said we should just be friends again…. That he didn’t want anything else from me.”

In a rare moment of clarity, Ohno suddenly understood. “I see. And that upset you…” He murmured insightfully. “…because you still love him.”

His words seemed to hit home and Sakurai finally released the hold he had on his emotions. “I never stopped.” He confessed tearfully, his voice breaking over the words. “I love him so much, but I… Oh, God, I’m the worst! I did something terrible!” At this admission he burrowed his head further into the crook of Satoshi’s neck in shame.

Ohno patted the younger mans back soothingly, if somewhat awkwardly. He was rarely in a position to comfort others and was unsure how to proceed. “Sho-kun…?” He began in a curious whisper. “Why did you break up with Aiba-chan?”

“Because…I- I had to…” Sakurai mumbled piteously into Satoshi’s nape.

Patiently Ohno drew away to look the broken man in the eye. “Tell me about it.” He entreated.

Taking a deep breath the caster related his story. Reluctantly at first, but then with more assurance he told his leader everything. He described the conversation he had had with his parents. He explained his unwillingness to disappoint his mother and his desire to free Aiba for a normal future. He finished by stating that he had never intended to hurt the younger man.

Ohno, having listened closely, asked why Sho had not simply told Aiba the truth.

“I couldn’t.” The caster explained morosely. “I love him so much, Oh-chan, that the thought of not being with him…. It’s killing me. I didn’t want to put Masaki through that. I thought… I thought, if I just ended it, Aiba-chan might be upset for a while, but he would get over it. He would move on and be happy. It’s just that….”

“What?”

“Except, when I broke up with him, he didn’t seem to care. It’s stupid, I know that, but when I realised that… it hurt. Knowing that Aiba had never felt as deeply for me as I do for him….” Sakurai trailed off, scrubbing his hands through his hair with a groan.

“I should have been happy that Masaki was OK!” He continued more forcefully. “I should have, but I wasn’t. And then, when I saw him today and he said he wanted to go back to the way things were, I thought…. Just for a moment, I thought he wanted to get back together. And if… if he had meant that, I don’t think I would have been able to say no. But he didn’t mean that at all; he doesn’t want that from me anymore.” Sinking in on himself, he added one final thought to his spiel. “…Maybe he never did.”

Ohno sympathised with his distraught friend but could not agree with his last statement. “That’s not true.” He insisted. “Aiba-chan was really upset, you know. Matsujun said it took a long time to calm him down the day you guys broke up.”

“Huh?” Sakurai regarded the older man in surprise. “Really?” He voice was a hoarse, disbelieving murmur.

“Uh-huh. Really. Aiba-chan cried. He’s been really sad too.”

The rapper shook his head wonderingly. “I never saw–”

“Maybe he didn’t want you to.” Satoshi reasoned.

“But today-” Sho objected. “Today he said he doesn’t want me to love him and I told him that I won’t. He just wanted to be friends again….”

“But that’s exactly what you wanted, isn’t it?” The older man stated. “For Aiba-chan to get over you and be happy?”

“Oh God…” Sakurai moaned, hiding his guilt-ridden face behind his hands. “You don’t know!” He wailed.

“What?”

“Oh Leader… I- I’ve ruined everything. Masaki will never forgive me. He probably never wants to see me again.”

The repugnance he heard in Sakurai’s voice frightened the older man. Ohno had never seen him like this and he worried about the mental state of his friend. “Why? What happened?” He asked cautiously.

The bigger man began to shed tears of self-recrimination as he explained. “I don’t know what I was thinking…. Or maybe I wasn’t thinking at all. But when we went back to his place…. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”

“Why, Sho-kun?” Satoshi pressed, needing to understand. “What did you do?”

“I attacked him!” The rapper confessed in a keening sob. “I held him against the wall and I- I…. Argh! I forced myself on him, Ohno-kun!” Flinging himself angrily to his feet he stormed across the room; he need to put so distance between them.

“Sho-kun…” Ohno was both horrified and concerned for the younger man. But it was not Sakurai’s admission which caused this reaction; it was the self-loathing he could see in the man. Satoshi had never been the type to pass judgement on others and he did not like to see Sakurai judging himself so harshly either. “Sho-kun, it’s alright.” He tried to reassure his friend.

“How could it be!?” Sho raged desperately, turning toward the bed to face the other man. “Shit! I nearly– He was crying! I was kissing him and he was crying!” Dashing away his own tears with the back of his hand, the caster struggled to control himself after his outburst. Closing his eyes against the ache in his chest, his next words were spoken softly, but filled with dread. “How do you forgive something like that…?”

He did not notice Ohno’s approach until the older man was enfolding him in a hug. His anger spent and emotionally exhausted, Sakurai sank slowly to the floor, cradled in Ohno’s arms. Holding the man tight and rocking with him gently, Satoshi waited for his friend to calm down before speaking. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” The diffident Idol told him. “I’m sure Aiba-chan will forgive you. Definitely. If you just explain everything to him then–”

“No!” The rapper pulled away suddenly. “I don’t want that. I’d rather he hated me.” He insisted.

“But…”

“Because I can’t do anything else…” Sho went on more evenly. “I’ve already hurt him so much. Telling him the truth now… I can’t do it, Oh-chan. I can’t be with him and I can’t add to that pain.”

“But what about you?”

“I’m fine.” He lied. “Or, I will be. I’ll apologise to Aiba-chan properly and maybe that will be enough. And even if it isn’t…. Well, we’re both professionals; we won’t let Arashi down.”

“Aiba-chan deserves a proper explanation.” Ohno persisted.

Sho nodded. “I’ll think of something.”

“He deserves the truth.”

The caster sighed. “I can’t… not that.” The younger man pleaded. “You can’t tell him, Leader. Please… You can’t tell anyone. Promise me. Promise that you won’t say anything about this to anyone?”

The older man hesitated uncertainly.

“Please, Satoshi-kun!? I’m begging you!”

Slowly, reluctantly, Ohno agreed. He wanted to help both his friends to be happy but could not see any way for that to happen. Until the two men could be honest with each other, Ohno feared they would both continue to suffer. Yet the older man could not force the issue; it was not his place to do so. All he could do was watch and worry and be there to support his friends when it all became too much.

Satoshi now knew that Sakurai had tried to do the right thing by both his parents and Aiba. He had gone on a date to appease his mother. He had ended his liaison with his colleague to allow the younger man the chance of a normal future. Ohno could see how Sho had applied his mothers talk – not to himself, but to Aiba instead.

The diminutive Idol could not agree with the conclusion Sakurai had drawn, but he did understand it. Though he voiced none of these thoughts. He realised that Sho needed to work it out alone.

For a long time after the older man made his promise, neither man spoke. In thoughtful silence they simply kept each other company. Still sat together on the floor, it was a while before another thought occurred to the shorter man. “Ah, Sho-kun?”

“Hm?”

“Aiba-chan…” Satoshi chose his words carefully. “Was he OK?”

“I- I don’t know…” He admitted regretfully. “I didn’t even look back to check. I just… left.”

Mutely, Ohno nodded. Once more, the pair fell silent, both occupied by separate but related worries.

In the hallway, hidden by shadows, a lone figure crept away from the closed door of Sakurai’s room. Having heard everything, the unknown listener wore a grim frown, barely visible in the light spilling from downstairs. Carefully considering everything that had been overheard, the stranger disappeared into the darkness.

* * *

Dimly, he became aware that it was going dark. How long he had been sitting there, he did not know. He had simply slid to the floor and wept into the crumpled fabric in his hands. He had sobbed until he had no more tears left to cry. And when his eyes had dried and his breathing had settled, he still had not moved.

Dazed, he had remained motionless, staring into the middle-distance while his mind spun in dizzying circles. Nothing seemed to make sense to him anymore. He felt completely numb, but his whole body ached. He was uncomfortably hot, yet his skin pebbled with the cold. He thought he might explode with all the emotions bubbling inside him and still, he felt empty.

Trying to sort his confusion only added to it.

Finally he realised that it was futile to sit alone in the dark. He could answer none of his own questions and he was tired of trying. He was sick of feeling helpless and pathetic. He was fed up of being held together by others. So he decided to do something about it.

With a muted grunt he climbed unsteadily to his feet. Letting the tear-soaked t-shirt fall to the floor, he marched towards the kitchen. He hesitated for a spilt second when he spotted two sets of keys on the counter. But his indecision was brief; quickly he donned a fresh shirt, snatched up his own keys and headed for the door.

Any action was better than inaction, he told himself as he pulled the door firmly shut behind him.

To be continued…
Chapter 08 HERE
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NOTICE: This week is unexpectedly super/crazy/insanely busy at work for me, and I am covering three day shifts, a night shift and a training seminar all on top of my regular three night shifts. (That means I’m working 73 hours instead of 33!) Therefore, I won’t be able to come online as often, and may only be able to snatch moments here and there. But it’s only for this week.

That said, Chapter 08 may come out a little later but it will still be out on Friday. (Possibly the evening instead of the morning.) And I’ll reply to comments as soon as I can! ^.^

Next update on: Friday 28^th August. If you want to keep track of this story and its progress, check out my post [HERE] I’ll keep it updated with any new information.

Comments, criticisms, opinions and ideas are all welcome! ♥