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amh1988Obviously, I was unable to post this on Friday as I had planned, and for that I apologise. I am home now, but I also have two miniature houseguests and am playing mummy to two toddlers, which means things are far from normal. The only time I really have even at the computer will be after they’ve gone to bed, so I’m afraid I have to make the last two updates a weekly thing….
Anyway, please forgive me for this. I know it’s kind of sucky because it’s nearly the end of the story anyway, but it really couldn’t be helped.
Chapter Specific Warning: Warning, yadda, yadda, yadda, sexual gratification, yadda blah blah, you know the drill….
Title: Recoil (Chapter Nine ~ Stipulations)
Series Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance/Smut
Characters: Arashi
Word Count: 3,400
Type: Multi-Chapter/Series
Summary: Sakurai confronts Ninomiya with the truth, revealing his jealous side and stripping the magician of all his darkest secrets. And while Nino might know a few tricks, Sakurai is the one with the ace up his sleeve.
Disclaimer: I own nothing dammit!
Progress:
Prologue - Precedent - HERE
Chapter One - Duality - HERE
Chapter Two - Implications - HERE
Chapter Three - Complications - HERE
Chapter Four - Guardian - HERE
Chapter Five - Confession - HERE
Chapter Six - Stratagem - HERE
Chapter Seven - Triune - HERE
Chapter Eight - Trials - HERE
Chapter Nine ~ Stipulations
Letting the hot spray of water from the shower roll over him, Ninomiya gave a weary sigh. Arashi had just completed the final live of their concert tour and the keen-eyed strategist was exhausted. The night had gone spectacularly well; they had sung, they had danced and Aiba had cried – which was pretty much tantamount to a successful concert nowadays. Although Ninomiya suspected that Aiba’s tears had been, at least in part, an outpouring of relief that Arashi’s problems seemed to be over. Not that the gamer could blame the tall man; he had felt like crying too when they were informed of how close the agency had been to postponing the rest of the tour. It actually frightened him to think of the jeopardy he had helped place the group in. And it scared him more that he had not noticed it at the time.
But what bothered Ninomiya most was the gradual realisation he was coming to about himself. With things the way they were now, the gamer could theoretically sleep with any other member on a whim, but he would never be able to trust himself enough to approach Masaki in that way. As much as he claimed to be over his infatuation, he knew that one careless moment could put him right back where he started. It had taking him a long time to get to this point, where he felt honest pride and contentment at the relationship between Aiba and Sakurai, and he did not want to sour that.
If Ninomiya had fallen for anyone else, it would have been impossible to maintain a friendship with them in the same circumstances. Luckily, the personality of the easy-going idea made thing simpler for Kazunari. As easy as it had been to fall in Masaki in the first place, it was just as easy to be his friend. The man’s completely straightforward, uncomplicated nature meant that Ninomiya never suffered through doubts about how his childhood friend felt about him. He always knew that Aiba’s interest lay elsewhere and that made it a simple matter to stay focused upon treasuring their friendship.
Still, while he was alone in the shower, with only his thoughts and his aching muscles for company, he could not keep his mind from wandering. He tried not to dwell on it too much as he lathered shampoo through his hair; useless thoughts were not very conductive to his attempts to get over the man anyway.
Eyes scrunched shut against the soap at his brow and stood slightly forward of the falling water, Ninomiya heard a small knock before the door slid open. “Nino?” Even momentarily blind, Sakurai’s voice identified the caster immediately. “The other showers are taken, can I jump in with you?”
It was normal enough that the gamer just shrugged without opening his eyes. “Sure, but you use your own soap.”
“But you let Masaki use your soap all the time.” Sakurai argued good-naturedly as stepped under the water.
“No I don’t. I say the same thing to him, but he’s a thief.”
“Aw, c’mon Nino, don’t be so stingy.”
“That’s what the thief says too.”
Sho laughed, clapping his friend on the shoulders from behind him. “I’ll wash your back~” He entreated in a wheedling singsong.
“Tch. Fine, but don’t waste it.” Nino acceded and heard Sho’s mock cheer of victory as the caster claimed his prize from the shelf. Not that the magician had put up much of a fight, but he figured that Sakurai suffered failure so often that the man probably needed to celebrate every little success. The though brought a smile to Kazunari’s lips as Sakurai rubbed soap over his back and shoulders.
“Hey Kazu-kun, did you think I was Aiba-chan at first?”
“No.” The younger man replied without preamble. “Aiba-chan doesn’t knock.”
“Oh, I see.” Sho let his small chuckle fade away as he soaped down Kazunari’s back. Long after he should have been done, the rapper lingered at the task. His hands slowed, eventually coming to a stop high at Ninomiya’s arms. And the one-time Hollywood star could not see the serious expression that settled over the casters features then. “Uh… Nino, I kind of have a confession to make.”
“What?” Tipping his head back into the cascade of water, Ninomiya began to wash the suds from is hair while Sakurai took a small set back to allow the younger man to catch more of the spray. The caster also combed his fingers through his friend’s wet locks, helping to rinse the shampoo out.
“I’ve always been a little jealous of you.”
“Of course you have.” Kazunari responded with a smirk. “It’s because I’m awesome, right? Ow-! What was that for?”
“I’m serious Nino.” Sakurai explained sternly, absently smoothing down the hairs he had tugged on in response to the younger man’s flippant remark. “If I didn’t like you so much….”
“OK, OK! Fine, I’m sorry.” He replied quickly, spinning to look at the man for the first time and aiming to appear appropriately contrite. “You’re kind of scary Sho-chan. When did you develop a sadistic streak?”
“Probably around the same time I found out that we’re in love with the same person.”
“Huh?” Despite the sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Ninomiya attempted to play it off with a shrug. “I have no idea what you–”
“Don’t!” Sakurai forestalled him severely and Kazunari bit his tongue in the face of the older man’s barely contained ire. That brief flash of anger burned into the younger man’s consciousness like an iron brand. He had seen Sakurai angry –livid even– before, but this was different somehow. His rage stemmed from something Ninomiya could not recognise or identify and that scared him. Although that moment of fury vanished as quickly as it had appeared and Sho continued in quieter, normal tones, the gamer could not put it out of his mind.
Hating how small and weak he suddenly felt while facing the imminent confrontation, Ninomiya pray that Sho could not see him tremble. This was his worse nightmare brought to bear; to have his secrets stripped from him so ruthlessly. It would have been better if he could have kept them forever and, better still if he had never known love at all. And while the terror of having hurt his friend brought bile to the back of his throat and paralysed his body, the younger man held back, tears prickling behind his eyes.
Sakurai, however, was not done: “…Nino… the reason I’ve always envied you is because of how close you and Aiba-chan have always been. He’s always been able to talk and say things to you he wouldn’t say to me. I felt like I was always losing to you. After Masaki and I started dating though, I thought that that wasn’t so bad; I thought it was OK because everyone needs a friend like that, right? A friend they can share everything with, no matter what, because they can’t hurt each other with the truth.”
“Except that that’s not true is it? Not for you. You do love Masaki and you’ve been pretending all this time that you were just his friend. So, how often has he come to you with harsh truths? How often has he unwittingly hurt you with them Kazu-kun? So don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about. Don’t lie to me. You can lie to yourself all you want – telling yourself that that it’s meaningless – but not to me, I hate–”
Ninomiya could not bear to hear any more. “That’s enough!” He cried, shoving the man away as the tears in his eyes finally spilled down his cheeks. “It doesn’t matter, OK!?”
“Nino?” Sakurai blinked, recoiling slightly from the smaller man’s outburst.
But Ninomiya was blind to the casters surprise and deafened by his own cries as his voice cracked embarrassingly over his next words. “Y-you don’t have to hate me Sho-kun. Because you did win! Aiba-chan chose you. And… and I should hate you for it – for keeping him from me – but… I can’t!” He wailed brokenly. “I can’t: Because you make Aiba-chan happy, and he loves you… and most- most importantly… because you’re my friend too!”
He hated that he was sobbing; that he could not seem to stop. But Kazunari was petrified that his inability to stop loving Aiba might destroy the group he cherished. He needed to make it clear to Sho that he did not want Aiba at the cost of his friend; he would rather torture himself for all eternity than hurt any of the other members. He wanted him to understand that but he did not know how to explain it. So he wept in frustration and loss, burying his face in his hands as sobs wracked his slight frame.
Then Sakurai was there – embracing the broken man in a fierce hug and stroking his back. “You’re wrong Nino.” He murmured; his own voice thick with emotion. “You’re wrong….. The only thing I hate is that you’ve had to suffer alone all this time. And you can’t say I won, because Masaki didn’t choose me; you never gave him a choice.”
The words reached the younger man slowly, seeping into his consciousness like thick molasses. “Wh- what do you mean…?” In his current state of mind, he did not care that it came out in childish sniffle. He only cared that his friend did not sound angry and the fact that Sho had not turned away in disgust but was offering him comfort instead.
“I mean you never gave him an option Kazu-kun…” Gently, he lifted Ninomiya’s head from his shoulder to look the man in the eye with a soft smile. “You never told him how you felt. Masaki never knew you loved him Nino, so he never had a choice. And frankly, for that… I’m glad.”
“Eh?”
Tenderly, Sho wiped the streaks from his friends’ cheeks as he explained. “You see, if Aiba-chan ever had to choose between us – even if I won and he picked me – I’d still lose. He would never completely forgive me for making him hurt you. But if it was the other way `round….”
“But- but I…” Ninomiya was overcome, a mixture of relief, hopelessness, physical and emotional exhaustion and a million other conflicting emotions crashing over him. His knees buckled under him, and the gamer found himself dropping to the cold tiles of the floor. But Sakurai was there, guiding him down safely, gathering him into his arms and holding him close. “…I don’t want to win Sho-kun; not like that. I don’t want to beat you. I just want to stop feeling like this; to stop loving him.”
Sakurai, shielding the smaller man from the constant stream of water with his body, smiled wryly. “That’s not as easy as it sounds, is it?” He noted, speaking from experience. “Sometimes, I think Aiba-chan makes it too easy to love him…”
“It’s not like I’m going to try to steal him from you Sho-chan.”
“I know.”
“It’s just that… it’s painful sometimes.”
“I know.” The rapper stroked Kazunari’s hair soothingly, his other hand at the man’s knee, offering tactile support. “But Masaki does love you, you know, like I do. And if you ever did decide to pursue–”
“I wouldn’t do that to you guys.” Ninomiya cut in quickly.
“I know.” Sakurai repeated for the final time, wrapping his friend in a hug. “But what I meant was, if you don’t explain things properly, it’ll only harm Aiba-chan later when he finds out.”
The younger man shot the man a hard look, despite the tears still shining in his eyes. “You can’t tell him!” He commanded. “If you do….”
“What if he figures it out on his own Nino?” Sho questioned reasonably.
Ninomiya snorted, displaying a small measure of his normal derisive humour. “He isn’t that smart. After all this time, if he figures it out now it’ll be either because I let my guard down or because somebody blabbed.” But he could not maintain the façade for long, and as the hopeless reality of his situation settled back around him like a familiar cloak, he sighed.
He was worn out; so drained by his emotions that he just wanted to run away and hide from it all – if only for a moment. He was tired down to his soul and did not even matter to him anymore that Sakurai could see that. He had already revealed so much of himself to the caster that it simply felt good not to have to hide it from at least one of his friends. So it was with complete unselfconsciousness that Kazunari clung to the older man and let the last of his tears fall silently.
Sakurai did not question it; he just comforted his friend as best he could; letting the younger man cry it out and running the flat of his hand down his back. And Ninomiya welcomed the affection he had been denying himself for so long gladly. Gradually, his tears dried up, but he made no move to disentangle himself of the other man’s lap. Instead, while Sakurai’s wet hands continued to sweep over his bare skin, Ninomiya found himself pressing his lips to the tendons at the older man’s neck. Then he could not stop; trailing tiny, open-mouthed kisses up his throat and along Sho’s strong jaw until he brushed the man’s lips with his own.
The caster responded to Ninomiya’s obvious need for physical intimacy with prejudice. It was clear that the younger man was feeling painfully delicate – utterly unlike himself – and needed to assert some sort of control of the situation. Even Kazunari knew he was acting on a basic psychological impulse owing to his current vulnerability, and he knew also that Sakurai would see right through him. But Ninomiya was exposed anyway and he just needed to feel close to someone – someone who could see him at his weakest and accept him regardless.
And Sakurai did just that; pulling the younger man further into his lap and kissing him back gently. The usually sharp musician felt himself soften, as if Sho’s warm kiss and silken caress was wearing down all his rough edges. It was a balm to his wounded spirit, and even if it hurt his pride to be so fragile, it was all right. It was okay because it was Sakurai, and Kazunari felt safe with his friend. So he abandoned his vanity in order to heal his heart.
They kissed for a long time, the tension mounting at a slow simmer rather than a flash of heat. As they slid wet skin over wet skin and made soft breathy sounds of comfort and desire, Ninomiya closed his eyes. He let the inexorable ebb and flow of sensations carry his fears away and forgot his burdens. The laguous passion melted through him and settled warmly at his groin. He did not fight it – the gentle but insistent pull off need was a welcome distraction from the constant ache beating in his chest.
And when the older man stroked over his arousal and took him in hand, Ninomiya’s sigh was drowned out by the cascade of water. He swayed into the light touch leisurely at first, until Sakurai worked him more firmly and Ninomiya reached for the older man in kind. Their long, lazy breaths were exchanged for shallow, heavy gasps and moans as they both became more urgent and the pace quickened.
There were no words because nothing more needed to be said between the men. But they were not silent either; their thick groans hung in the air along with the deep veil of steam. Water splashed upon the tile while the pair sat slightly forward of the shower and lost themselves to one another.
So caught up and with his back to the door, Ninomiya did not hear it slide open. He heard Sakurai, however, when the rapper stilled and murmured to the intruder: “Aiba-chan…”
Ninomiya tensed, every muscle in his body preparing to leap away from the caster, but Sakurai held him in place. Trapped, and too afraid to turn his head to see the tall man, Kazunari screwed his eyes shut tight in desperation. Although he could not close his ears, he did wish for it then; whatever Masaki might say to discovering them like this was not something Ninomiya wanted to be privy to.
Then a second set of hands were embracing him from behind and Ninomiya wondered if he somehow succeeded in the impossible. He had heard Sho say just Aiba’s name and yet something more must have passed between the couple because Aiba was leaning over his shoulder to kiss Sakurai. And pressed in the middle, with Sakurai’s hand still at his lap and Masaki’s long frame hard against his back, Ninomiya knew it was too late. He did not have the willpower to end it now; even if he came to regret it later, he could not resist.
Tomorrow was soon enough to be strong – tomorrow and everyday thereafter – but for today, Ninomiya succumbed. He leaned into Aiba’s weight with a groan and pulled hard at Sho’s flesh, making the man growl huskily. Masaki’s arousal slid along the cleft at the small of his back as he rocked against him and he began pumping himself slowly. With his other hand, the tall man reached around to put his and over Sakurai’s at the base of Ninomiya’s thighs and helped guide him over the younger man.
It felt so good – so indescribably incredible – to be there; plastered between the two men whom shared something so special and to feel like he was a part of it. Ninomiya did not feel separate from the love the couple had for each other. Rather, he was surrounded by it – included in their intimacy. And, in a flare of insight, the young man realised that was enough for him.
All the time he had spent coveting Masaki, Kazunari had also been struggling with the fear of frightening his best friend away. He had decided long ago that the truth would hurt not just Sakurai, but Aiba too and he could not risk that. Eventually his feelings had become more about protecting the couple and his friendship with them that Ninomiya dared no to test either one. But now, the gamer saw that he could love Aiba freely; that, while the tall man might not exactly the same, he would continue to love Ninomiya in his own way. It was the same for both of them; the couple would accept his feelings and treasure them, returning all the love they shared in kind.
And it was right, the smaller man decided then. It was fair, because an equal measure of slightly different things would never tip the scale in any direction.
The realisation illuminated the dark shadow that hung over him for so long and Ninomiya gave himself over to pleasure completely. The pressure of two men’s hands sliding over him intimately, the steady glide of Aiba’s flesh at his back and the heat of Sho’s arousal under his own fingers sent Kazunari close to blissful oblivion. And as Masaki sucked and nibbled at the fevered skin of his neck and Sakurai claimed the opposite side, Ninomiya shuddered.
He did not hold back – did not want to – as his desire peaked and his release came upon him. The relief was sweet and lingering as the other men held him through it. While Ninomiya slumped slightly into Sho’s lap and caught his breath, his friends were still there. Then he felt Aiba spill slick against the back of his thighs and the lithe man groaned, long and low. Sakurai followed soon after, bucking into Ninomiya’s fist with forceful determination.
When it was over, the three men stayed pressed together for some time, until at last, Aiba gave a small giddy laugh. “Leader and Matsujun must be wondering what’s taking us so long.” He said; a note of mischief colouring his tone. Sakurai smiled. “Probably.” Carefully he moved away and climbed to his feet. “Nino?”
“I’m fine.” Accepting the hand that Masaki offered him, Ninomiya stood. “We should hurry.”
“But I haven’t actually washed yet.”
The tallest man grinned, throwing his arm around the gamers’ shoulders. “We’ll just have to rinse off quickly and bathe properly back at the hotel. Right, Nino-chan?”
“Right.” Kazunari responded with a smirk of his own, pinning the rapper with a roguish leer. “I’ll wash your back~”
To be continued…
___________________________
I’m too tired to even think of something to say here…..
Fandom’s awesome.
RL sucks
....So does HTML at the moment. ¬_¬
The next chapter will be (tentatively) posted on: Tuesday 23rd March. If you want to keep track of this story (and all my other works,) check out my master post [HERE] I’ll keep it updated with any new information.
Comments, criticisms, opinions and ideas are all welcome! ♥
Anyway, please forgive me for this. I know it’s kind of sucky because it’s nearly the end of the story anyway, but it really couldn’t be helped.
Chapter Specific Warning: Warning, yadda, yadda, yadda, sexual gratification, yadda blah blah, you know the drill….
Title: Recoil (Chapter Nine ~ Stipulations)
Series Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance/Smut
Characters: Arashi
Word Count: 3,400
Type: Multi-Chapter/Series
Summary: Sakurai confronts Ninomiya with the truth, revealing his jealous side and stripping the magician of all his darkest secrets. And while Nino might know a few tricks, Sakurai is the one with the ace up his sleeve.
Disclaimer: I own nothing dammit!
Progress:
Prologue - Precedent - HERE
Chapter One - Duality - HERE
Chapter Two - Implications - HERE
Chapter Three - Complications - HERE
Chapter Four - Guardian - HERE
Chapter Five - Confession - HERE
Chapter Six - Stratagem - HERE
Chapter Seven - Triune - HERE
Chapter Eight - Trials - HERE
Recoil
Chapter Nine ~ Stipulations
Letting the hot spray of water from the shower roll over him, Ninomiya gave a weary sigh. Arashi had just completed the final live of their concert tour and the keen-eyed strategist was exhausted. The night had gone spectacularly well; they had sung, they had danced and Aiba had cried – which was pretty much tantamount to a successful concert nowadays. Although Ninomiya suspected that Aiba’s tears had been, at least in part, an outpouring of relief that Arashi’s problems seemed to be over. Not that the gamer could blame the tall man; he had felt like crying too when they were informed of how close the agency had been to postponing the rest of the tour. It actually frightened him to think of the jeopardy he had helped place the group in. And it scared him more that he had not noticed it at the time.
But what bothered Ninomiya most was the gradual realisation he was coming to about himself. With things the way they were now, the gamer could theoretically sleep with any other member on a whim, but he would never be able to trust himself enough to approach Masaki in that way. As much as he claimed to be over his infatuation, he knew that one careless moment could put him right back where he started. It had taking him a long time to get to this point, where he felt honest pride and contentment at the relationship between Aiba and Sakurai, and he did not want to sour that.
If Ninomiya had fallen for anyone else, it would have been impossible to maintain a friendship with them in the same circumstances. Luckily, the personality of the easy-going idea made thing simpler for Kazunari. As easy as it had been to fall in Masaki in the first place, it was just as easy to be his friend. The man’s completely straightforward, uncomplicated nature meant that Ninomiya never suffered through doubts about how his childhood friend felt about him. He always knew that Aiba’s interest lay elsewhere and that made it a simple matter to stay focused upon treasuring their friendship.
Still, while he was alone in the shower, with only his thoughts and his aching muscles for company, he could not keep his mind from wandering. He tried not to dwell on it too much as he lathered shampoo through his hair; useless thoughts were not very conductive to his attempts to get over the man anyway.
Eyes scrunched shut against the soap at his brow and stood slightly forward of the falling water, Ninomiya heard a small knock before the door slid open. “Nino?” Even momentarily blind, Sakurai’s voice identified the caster immediately. “The other showers are taken, can I jump in with you?”
It was normal enough that the gamer just shrugged without opening his eyes. “Sure, but you use your own soap.”
“But you let Masaki use your soap all the time.” Sakurai argued good-naturedly as stepped under the water.
“No I don’t. I say the same thing to him, but he’s a thief.”
“Aw, c’mon Nino, don’t be so stingy.”
“That’s what the thief says too.”
Sho laughed, clapping his friend on the shoulders from behind him. “I’ll wash your back~” He entreated in a wheedling singsong.
“Tch. Fine, but don’t waste it.” Nino acceded and heard Sho’s mock cheer of victory as the caster claimed his prize from the shelf. Not that the magician had put up much of a fight, but he figured that Sakurai suffered failure so often that the man probably needed to celebrate every little success. The though brought a smile to Kazunari’s lips as Sakurai rubbed soap over his back and shoulders.
“Hey Kazu-kun, did you think I was Aiba-chan at first?”
“No.” The younger man replied without preamble. “Aiba-chan doesn’t knock.”
“Oh, I see.” Sho let his small chuckle fade away as he soaped down Kazunari’s back. Long after he should have been done, the rapper lingered at the task. His hands slowed, eventually coming to a stop high at Ninomiya’s arms. And the one-time Hollywood star could not see the serious expression that settled over the casters features then. “Uh… Nino, I kind of have a confession to make.”
“What?” Tipping his head back into the cascade of water, Ninomiya began to wash the suds from is hair while Sakurai took a small set back to allow the younger man to catch more of the spray. The caster also combed his fingers through his friend’s wet locks, helping to rinse the shampoo out.
“I’ve always been a little jealous of you.”
“Of course you have.” Kazunari responded with a smirk. “It’s because I’m awesome, right? Ow-! What was that for?”
“I’m serious Nino.” Sakurai explained sternly, absently smoothing down the hairs he had tugged on in response to the younger man’s flippant remark. “If I didn’t like you so much….”
“OK, OK! Fine, I’m sorry.” He replied quickly, spinning to look at the man for the first time and aiming to appear appropriately contrite. “You’re kind of scary Sho-chan. When did you develop a sadistic streak?”
“Probably around the same time I found out that we’re in love with the same person.”
“Huh?” Despite the sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Ninomiya attempted to play it off with a shrug. “I have no idea what you–”
“Don’t!” Sakurai forestalled him severely and Kazunari bit his tongue in the face of the older man’s barely contained ire. That brief flash of anger burned into the younger man’s consciousness like an iron brand. He had seen Sakurai angry –livid even– before, but this was different somehow. His rage stemmed from something Ninomiya could not recognise or identify and that scared him. Although that moment of fury vanished as quickly as it had appeared and Sho continued in quieter, normal tones, the gamer could not put it out of his mind.
Hating how small and weak he suddenly felt while facing the imminent confrontation, Ninomiya pray that Sho could not see him tremble. This was his worse nightmare brought to bear; to have his secrets stripped from him so ruthlessly. It would have been better if he could have kept them forever and, better still if he had never known love at all. And while the terror of having hurt his friend brought bile to the back of his throat and paralysed his body, the younger man held back, tears prickling behind his eyes.
Sakurai, however, was not done: “…Nino… the reason I’ve always envied you is because of how close you and Aiba-chan have always been. He’s always been able to talk and say things to you he wouldn’t say to me. I felt like I was always losing to you. After Masaki and I started dating though, I thought that that wasn’t so bad; I thought it was OK because everyone needs a friend like that, right? A friend they can share everything with, no matter what, because they can’t hurt each other with the truth.”
“Except that that’s not true is it? Not for you. You do love Masaki and you’ve been pretending all this time that you were just his friend. So, how often has he come to you with harsh truths? How often has he unwittingly hurt you with them Kazu-kun? So don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about. Don’t lie to me. You can lie to yourself all you want – telling yourself that that it’s meaningless – but not to me, I hate–”
Ninomiya could not bear to hear any more. “That’s enough!” He cried, shoving the man away as the tears in his eyes finally spilled down his cheeks. “It doesn’t matter, OK!?”
“Nino?” Sakurai blinked, recoiling slightly from the smaller man’s outburst.
But Ninomiya was blind to the casters surprise and deafened by his own cries as his voice cracked embarrassingly over his next words. “Y-you don’t have to hate me Sho-kun. Because you did win! Aiba-chan chose you. And… and I should hate you for it – for keeping him from me – but… I can’t!” He wailed brokenly. “I can’t: Because you make Aiba-chan happy, and he loves you… and most- most importantly… because you’re my friend too!”
He hated that he was sobbing; that he could not seem to stop. But Kazunari was petrified that his inability to stop loving Aiba might destroy the group he cherished. He needed to make it clear to Sho that he did not want Aiba at the cost of his friend; he would rather torture himself for all eternity than hurt any of the other members. He wanted him to understand that but he did not know how to explain it. So he wept in frustration and loss, burying his face in his hands as sobs wracked his slight frame.
Then Sakurai was there – embracing the broken man in a fierce hug and stroking his back. “You’re wrong Nino.” He murmured; his own voice thick with emotion. “You’re wrong….. The only thing I hate is that you’ve had to suffer alone all this time. And you can’t say I won, because Masaki didn’t choose me; you never gave him a choice.”
The words reached the younger man slowly, seeping into his consciousness like thick molasses. “Wh- what do you mean…?” In his current state of mind, he did not care that it came out in childish sniffle. He only cared that his friend did not sound angry and the fact that Sho had not turned away in disgust but was offering him comfort instead.
“I mean you never gave him an option Kazu-kun…” Gently, he lifted Ninomiya’s head from his shoulder to look the man in the eye with a soft smile. “You never told him how you felt. Masaki never knew you loved him Nino, so he never had a choice. And frankly, for that… I’m glad.”
“Eh?”
Tenderly, Sho wiped the streaks from his friends’ cheeks as he explained. “You see, if Aiba-chan ever had to choose between us – even if I won and he picked me – I’d still lose. He would never completely forgive me for making him hurt you. But if it was the other way `round….”
“But- but I…” Ninomiya was overcome, a mixture of relief, hopelessness, physical and emotional exhaustion and a million other conflicting emotions crashing over him. His knees buckled under him, and the gamer found himself dropping to the cold tiles of the floor. But Sakurai was there, guiding him down safely, gathering him into his arms and holding him close. “…I don’t want to win Sho-kun; not like that. I don’t want to beat you. I just want to stop feeling like this; to stop loving him.”
Sakurai, shielding the smaller man from the constant stream of water with his body, smiled wryly. “That’s not as easy as it sounds, is it?” He noted, speaking from experience. “Sometimes, I think Aiba-chan makes it too easy to love him…”
“It’s not like I’m going to try to steal him from you Sho-chan.”
“I know.”
“It’s just that… it’s painful sometimes.”
“I know.” The rapper stroked Kazunari’s hair soothingly, his other hand at the man’s knee, offering tactile support. “But Masaki does love you, you know, like I do. And if you ever did decide to pursue–”
“I wouldn’t do that to you guys.” Ninomiya cut in quickly.
“I know.” Sakurai repeated for the final time, wrapping his friend in a hug. “But what I meant was, if you don’t explain things properly, it’ll only harm Aiba-chan later when he finds out.”
The younger man shot the man a hard look, despite the tears still shining in his eyes. “You can’t tell him!” He commanded. “If you do….”
“What if he figures it out on his own Nino?” Sho questioned reasonably.
Ninomiya snorted, displaying a small measure of his normal derisive humour. “He isn’t that smart. After all this time, if he figures it out now it’ll be either because I let my guard down or because somebody blabbed.” But he could not maintain the façade for long, and as the hopeless reality of his situation settled back around him like a familiar cloak, he sighed.
He was worn out; so drained by his emotions that he just wanted to run away and hide from it all – if only for a moment. He was tired down to his soul and did not even matter to him anymore that Sakurai could see that. He had already revealed so much of himself to the caster that it simply felt good not to have to hide it from at least one of his friends. So it was with complete unselfconsciousness that Kazunari clung to the older man and let the last of his tears fall silently.
Sakurai did not question it; he just comforted his friend as best he could; letting the younger man cry it out and running the flat of his hand down his back. And Ninomiya welcomed the affection he had been denying himself for so long gladly. Gradually, his tears dried up, but he made no move to disentangle himself of the other man’s lap. Instead, while Sakurai’s wet hands continued to sweep over his bare skin, Ninomiya found himself pressing his lips to the tendons at the older man’s neck. Then he could not stop; trailing tiny, open-mouthed kisses up his throat and along Sho’s strong jaw until he brushed the man’s lips with his own.
The caster responded to Ninomiya’s obvious need for physical intimacy with prejudice. It was clear that the younger man was feeling painfully delicate – utterly unlike himself – and needed to assert some sort of control of the situation. Even Kazunari knew he was acting on a basic psychological impulse owing to his current vulnerability, and he knew also that Sakurai would see right through him. But Ninomiya was exposed anyway and he just needed to feel close to someone – someone who could see him at his weakest and accept him regardless.
And Sakurai did just that; pulling the younger man further into his lap and kissing him back gently. The usually sharp musician felt himself soften, as if Sho’s warm kiss and silken caress was wearing down all his rough edges. It was a balm to his wounded spirit, and even if it hurt his pride to be so fragile, it was all right. It was okay because it was Sakurai, and Kazunari felt safe with his friend. So he abandoned his vanity in order to heal his heart.
They kissed for a long time, the tension mounting at a slow simmer rather than a flash of heat. As they slid wet skin over wet skin and made soft breathy sounds of comfort and desire, Ninomiya closed his eyes. He let the inexorable ebb and flow of sensations carry his fears away and forgot his burdens. The laguous passion melted through him and settled warmly at his groin. He did not fight it – the gentle but insistent pull off need was a welcome distraction from the constant ache beating in his chest.
And when the older man stroked over his arousal and took him in hand, Ninomiya’s sigh was drowned out by the cascade of water. He swayed into the light touch leisurely at first, until Sakurai worked him more firmly and Ninomiya reached for the older man in kind. Their long, lazy breaths were exchanged for shallow, heavy gasps and moans as they both became more urgent and the pace quickened.
There were no words because nothing more needed to be said between the men. But they were not silent either; their thick groans hung in the air along with the deep veil of steam. Water splashed upon the tile while the pair sat slightly forward of the shower and lost themselves to one another.
So caught up and with his back to the door, Ninomiya did not hear it slide open. He heard Sakurai, however, when the rapper stilled and murmured to the intruder: “Aiba-chan…”
Ninomiya tensed, every muscle in his body preparing to leap away from the caster, but Sakurai held him in place. Trapped, and too afraid to turn his head to see the tall man, Kazunari screwed his eyes shut tight in desperation. Although he could not close his ears, he did wish for it then; whatever Masaki might say to discovering them like this was not something Ninomiya wanted to be privy to.
Then a second set of hands were embracing him from behind and Ninomiya wondered if he somehow succeeded in the impossible. He had heard Sho say just Aiba’s name and yet something more must have passed between the couple because Aiba was leaning over his shoulder to kiss Sakurai. And pressed in the middle, with Sakurai’s hand still at his lap and Masaki’s long frame hard against his back, Ninomiya knew it was too late. He did not have the willpower to end it now; even if he came to regret it later, he could not resist.
Tomorrow was soon enough to be strong – tomorrow and everyday thereafter – but for today, Ninomiya succumbed. He leaned into Aiba’s weight with a groan and pulled hard at Sho’s flesh, making the man growl huskily. Masaki’s arousal slid along the cleft at the small of his back as he rocked against him and he began pumping himself slowly. With his other hand, the tall man reached around to put his and over Sakurai’s at the base of Ninomiya’s thighs and helped guide him over the younger man.
It felt so good – so indescribably incredible – to be there; plastered between the two men whom shared something so special and to feel like he was a part of it. Ninomiya did not feel separate from the love the couple had for each other. Rather, he was surrounded by it – included in their intimacy. And, in a flare of insight, the young man realised that was enough for him.
All the time he had spent coveting Masaki, Kazunari had also been struggling with the fear of frightening his best friend away. He had decided long ago that the truth would hurt not just Sakurai, but Aiba too and he could not risk that. Eventually his feelings had become more about protecting the couple and his friendship with them that Ninomiya dared no to test either one. But now, the gamer saw that he could love Aiba freely; that, while the tall man might not exactly the same, he would continue to love Ninomiya in his own way. It was the same for both of them; the couple would accept his feelings and treasure them, returning all the love they shared in kind.
And it was right, the smaller man decided then. It was fair, because an equal measure of slightly different things would never tip the scale in any direction.
The realisation illuminated the dark shadow that hung over him for so long and Ninomiya gave himself over to pleasure completely. The pressure of two men’s hands sliding over him intimately, the steady glide of Aiba’s flesh at his back and the heat of Sho’s arousal under his own fingers sent Kazunari close to blissful oblivion. And as Masaki sucked and nibbled at the fevered skin of his neck and Sakurai claimed the opposite side, Ninomiya shuddered.
He did not hold back – did not want to – as his desire peaked and his release came upon him. The relief was sweet and lingering as the other men held him through it. While Ninomiya slumped slightly into Sho’s lap and caught his breath, his friends were still there. Then he felt Aiba spill slick against the back of his thighs and the lithe man groaned, long and low. Sakurai followed soon after, bucking into Ninomiya’s fist with forceful determination.
When it was over, the three men stayed pressed together for some time, until at last, Aiba gave a small giddy laugh. “Leader and Matsujun must be wondering what’s taking us so long.” He said; a note of mischief colouring his tone. Sakurai smiled. “Probably.” Carefully he moved away and climbed to his feet. “Nino?”
“I’m fine.” Accepting the hand that Masaki offered him, Ninomiya stood. “We should hurry.”
“But I haven’t actually washed yet.”
The tallest man grinned, throwing his arm around the gamers’ shoulders. “We’ll just have to rinse off quickly and bathe properly back at the hotel. Right, Nino-chan?”
“Right.” Kazunari responded with a smirk of his own, pinning the rapper with a roguish leer. “I’ll wash your back~”
To be continued…
___________________________
I’m too tired to even think of something to say here…..
Fandom’s awesome.
RL sucks
....So does HTML at the moment. ¬_¬
The next chapter will be (tentatively) posted on: Tuesday 23rd March. If you want to keep track of this story (and all my other works,) check out my master post [HERE] I’ll keep it updated with any new information.
Comments, criticisms, opinions and ideas are all welcome! ♥
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Date: 2010-04-26 08:38 pm (UTC)