amh1988: (Arashi 2)
amh1988 ([personal profile] amh1988) wrote2009-06-13 01:43 pm
Entry tags:

Verse One: Genesis

This is just a quick little something I put together last night to keep boredom at bay. I make no excuses for the cracked-out silliness that ensues. And please note: I love the Arashi boys and I only tease them lovingly to show how much I care. That said, I had so much fun writing this that there will probably be more Arashi Bible Stories to follow. I'll probably treat each one as a Stand-Alone verse, so there will be no need to follow this fic religiously. <--- See what I did there?


Title: The Gospel According to Arashi ~ Genisis
Rating: U
Genre: Comedy/Parody/Religious Literature?
Pairing: None
Word Count: 600
Type: Stand-alone
Summary: It’s the first part of the Arashi Bible. Not to be taken seriously.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the people depicted in this fiction. I just borrowed them for entertainment purposes...
  Oh, and I recommend watching the Arashi Wake-up call in Hawaii! Or atleast recalling it while reading this. (Although it's not absolutely required.)

 

 

 

 

VERSE ONE: GENESIS

1:1

In the beginning it was dark…

1:2

And the One who would be called Captain Comedy but then became quite fond of Sadism crept into The Forbidden Lands of No Light. Firstly, He Who Is Sadistic came upon the sleeping form of Brother Hamburger Hands and caused Him to wake in the most undignified manner. And there was much grumbling.

1:3

And still it was dark.

1:4

Then He Who Is Sadistic pulled Brother Hamburger Hands into the darkness of His making and together they sought out Saint Aiba of Stupid. Hereupon, Saint Aiba was in possession of a Talisman of Great Power; The Squishy Guard Dog of Dreams, and many thought Him safe from the darkness. However, calling upon His Dark Arts of Sadism, He of the Ever Changing Hair produced a feather dove and stole Saint Aiba of Stupid from his dreams. Which were probably perverted and thus more appealing than the two Brothers on either side of His bed. And there was much grumbling and calls for silence.

1:5

And still it was dark.

1:6

Verily did the trio seek the abode of another victim. And hark; they came upon the domicile of the Virgin Mother, Sakurai. Joyfully He who is Sadistic found The Staff of Nice Smiles. Whereupon He was scolded by Saint Aiba because getting excited over a toothbrush was too stupid, even by his standards. Brother Hamburger Hands, in his turn, vented his wrath upon the Being of Permanently High Tension for being stupidly high volume.

1:7

Thusly did He Who Is Sadistic seek to redeem His honour and sought the colour of the Virgin Mothers’ underwear. But Alas, even in slumber, the Virgin Mother was clad modestly, protected by the Grey Sweatpants of Chastity. And yea, wearing the vestments of all good virgins, Mother Sakurai did protect Himself from the lecherous stares of His fellows.

1:8

Then, Brother Sadism did mock the beauty of the Virgin Mother and exclaim loudly about His puffy face. Whereupon the Virgin Mother awoke in a fit of giggles and berated the trio for being too loud. Brother Sadism would not be thwarted, however, and did use His Dark Arts of Sadism to cause the Mother great discomfort. And there was much grumbling and weary shouts of “Aloha!”

1:9

And still it was dark.

1:10

Now the four Brothers slithered into the final chamber. In the resting place of the eldest and sleepiest Brother, Saint Aiba, the Virgin Mother and Brother Hamburger Hands gave briefly into temptation and lay upon the spare pallet in weary respite. And yea, did Brother Sadism smite them soundly and take great delight in waking them anew. Then the four, with Gospel music of the Highest Order, did sing loudly of Souls and of Dreams.

1:11

And together they did bound upon the pallet of the eldest Brother and cause the world to quake mightily. Only after much singing of Gospel and great shaking of the Earth did the sleepiest Brother awaken. Once robbed of His Quilt of Supreme Comfort He saw that He had been summoned from slumber by His four Brothers. And He was glad.

1:12

And verily, with all five Brothers awakened there was much rejoicing. And from that rejoicing did flow many Sparkles. And the Sparkles grew to shine brighter than the sun.

1:13

And then there was light.

__________________________


End.


That's it for now. If you read and enjoyed it, please let me know ^_^
Or if you have any ideas to add, feel free to do so!
(Arashi makes it too easy.... Imagine the things I can do with floods of fangirls, paper boats and rainbows....)

 


Verse Two:  Holy Scriptures, posted. 

 

 


 

[identity profile] gemplee.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 04:15 pm (UTC)(link)
did you get your inspiration from the wake-up call jun planned for his fellow members in hawaii? enjoyed reading it. thank you.

[identity profile] zukkoke-iero.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 04:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Lol...
Brother hamburger hands...
Nino...
And saint aiba...
Lol lol...
Laughing.. So... Hard...
So unique. .
Like it, hunny...^^
chibimui: (Default)

[personal profile] chibimui 2009-06-13 05:03 pm (UTC)(link)
oh god I love this <3 I hope you continue, it's hilarious ^^

[identity profile] katmillia.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 05:12 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR this made me laugh a lot <3

[identity profile] garnet-phoenix.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
I never would have guessed mixing religion with Arashi could work, until I read this. It was hilarious--thanks :D

[identity profile] katzichan.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 07:04 pm (UTC)(link)
LOLOLOLOL. thisssssss... made me giggle. a lot. all of it. but brother sadism...XDDDDDDD

[identity profile] zazasukie.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 08:17 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL! It wasn't till the verse 1:6 that I realized that this was related to Jun awakening the rest of Arashi in Hawai XD.
Strange but in a funny way! ^___^b

[identity profile] aidill.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 08:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Hahaha! Funny!
But I've a question... Ohno is... only Brother? (because the sleepiest part is not in capital letters) XD

[identity profile] frksofa.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 08:30 pm (UTC)(link)
'However, calling upon His Dark Arts of Sadism, He of the Ever Changing Hair produced a feather dove and stole Saint Aiba of Stupid from his dreams.'...xD Hahaa yes, his hair is ever changing ^^

This was really creative and funny, and I really liked this fic. although I'm not really religious, I guess you don't have to be here^^

[identity profile] ajak707.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 10:44 pm (UTC)(link)
this made me laugh from the minute i started readingXD
i loved every bit of it and i hope you'll continue!:)

[identity profile] shfifty--five.livejournal.com 2009-06-13 11:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Lmfao. Loved the idea. Laughed through pretty much all of it. Gotta say, favorite line had to be Then the four, with Gospel music of the Highest Order, did sing loudly of Souls and of Dreams. XD

[identity profile] aoihikari.livejournal.com 2009-06-14 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
dear god this was awesome in it's crack! well done! 8Dv

[identity profile] musosuru.livejournal.com 2009-06-14 01:25 am (UTC)(link)
'...did sing loudly of Souls and of Dreams.' <3


this is the best thing i've EVER read XD complete randomness and crack but wow OMG *sings praises* this was adorable and oh-so well written ><

*waits religiously for next verse*

XD (what fitting names for the Brothers XD )

[identity profile] literarylemming.livejournal.com 2009-06-14 02:35 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG LOVE.

[identity profile] varziel.livejournal.com 2009-06-14 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)
'...did sing loudly of Souls and of Dreams.'
this line made me laugh super hard!

I was kinda amused-- how come Aiba-chan is the only one with his name mentioned? XD

"He of The Ever Changing Hair"... Ah. What a way to put Matssun!

Nice verse Dear! XD I like it!! I'll be waiting for the next verses. ♥

[identity profile] cherry-armrest.livejournal.com 2009-06-15 05:39 am (UTC)(link)
Saint Aiba's Squishy Guard Dog of Dreams! ♥ LOL

and I really would like to know what you plan to do with floods of fangirls, paper boats and rainbows :D

[identity profile] bostumppeh.livejournal.com 2009-06-20 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
Hee. La. Ree. Us.
Seriously. XD Thanks for sharing! I hope to see many Dark and Sadistic Deeds from He of the Ever Changing Hair in the future.

[identity profile] panthera-mort.livejournal.com 2009-06-29 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL
Grey Sweatpants of Chastity
...XDDD

[identity profile] arashi3723.livejournal.com 2009-07-23 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
I love your name for...brother hamburger hands lol

[identity profile] pebblegosling.livejournal.com 2009-09-15 12:13 pm (UTC)(link)
this. you. brilliance.
your humour....................very me.
*chuckles incontrolably*
*thinks of wake up in hawaii*
*laughs even more*
Oh man...Do you mind if I friend add you?

[identity profile] obstilation.livejournal.com 2009-09-15 12:16 pm (UTC)(link)
This was pretty awesome!
'Grey Sweatpants of Chastity'
You're awesome xD

[identity profile] namichan.livejournal.com 2009-09-15 04:23 pm (UTC)(link)
zomg, that was amazing. do you have any idea how hard it is to not giggle or bust out laughing while reading this? it's really hard. i'm in geography 101 and my classmates and professor looked at me weird because i busted up here: And the One who would be called Captain Comedy but then became quite fond of Sadism crept into The Forbidden Lands of No Light.

yeah, the first line. i was embarassed, but it was worth it. thank you!!!! *goes off to read holy scriptures*

[identity profile] citlecrewolf.livejournal.com 2009-09-16 12:21 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, that was good! Especially funny is the bit about virgin Sho in 1:7 *lol* And those last two verses? Perfect! "And then there was light" indeed! I love sparkles! Thanks :)

[identity profile] yeo-ubi.livejournal.com 2009-09-17 10:32 pm (UTC)(link)
...The Hawaii wake-up call? Lol, what the hell was in your cheerios?

I don't think I've ever read anything like this. Thanks so much. =D

[identity profile] yaoi-ness1.livejournal.com 2010-11-01 07:02 pm (UTC)(link)
This is hilarious! You are such an amazingly funny writer! I love it! I read the other two as well but this one has to be the best!

Page 1 of 2