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- arashi,
- fanfiction,
- humor,
- pg
Fic ~ Nino just wants it to STOP.
I was bored and I could NOT get this idea out of my head so…. Enjoy!
They’re more like mini drabbles, but kind of connected to one another. It’s really short but it was kind of fun. No real pairing exactly, but Ohmiya is kind of hard to reign in, also implied Juntoshi and well, OK, you could probably find a bit of everything in this.
Title: Letters From Ninomiya
Rating: PG
Genre: General/Humor
Characters: Everyone. Nino POV
Word Count: 500
Type: Stand-alone
Summary: Nino sends a few short mails to his fellow members and tells them what has been on his mind lately.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Arashi.
Letters From Ninomiya
_____________________________________
To: Sakurai Sho
You’re too much. Lately, the amount of times I have had to call you out on your stupidity has been increasing. While, I admit, this is usually a lot of fun for me and watching you fail is highly amusing, I’m starting to run out of appropriate comebacks. I thought putting the verbal smack-down on Aiba-chan and Leader was a full-time commitment, but having to include you in that number is troubling me.
I don’t mind doing it because I do love to watch you squirm, but please… stop timing it so that all three of you are being stupid together. Do you have any idea how crazy it makes me when I have to let one of my victims get away because there isn’t time to nail all three!?
Sincerely,
Ninomiya Kazunari
[Work-aholic]
PS. If you find that video…. No, never mind.
_____________________________________
To: Matsumoto Jun
I think it’s great that you’ve let your image mellow recently and there really isn’t anything more satisfying than watching you parade around like a dork, but could you maybe take it down a notch? I feel like you’re close to over-stepping some boundaries and wandering into my territory.
Alternatively, meet me at our usual bar tomorrow and I’ll teach you the correct way to turn Oh-chan’s switch on.
Respectfully
Ninomiya Kazunari
[Skinship Sensei]
PS. Take Sho-kun surfing sometime. Preferably with a camera crew.
_____________________________________
To: Aiba Masaki
Please stop trying to poison, maim, disfigure or otherwise incapacitate us. I know it was you who “suggested” a lot of those experiments to the professors on our programme too.
Stop it.
If Sho-kun finds out that you are the reason he had to jump out of a plane…. OK, so he probably won’t do much. But there will be no escape from Matsujun if he learns that the swing was all your idea. No matter how fast you run.
….Or how invisible you manage to become. (Which isn’t very likely either.)
Best wishes,
Ninomiya Kazunari
[Informant]
PS. If you really want to fly, I can try whacking you with a 5-Iron the next time we play golf.
_____________________________________
To: Ohno Satoshi
No.
I will not go fishing with you. Please stop asking. Not even your promise to distract me while on board will convince me to get on that vessel of veritable malevolence. How many times do I have to tell you that I only even do it for work because they pay me? Either cough up or pipe down. And no, I won’t take payment in trade. Why don’t you take Aiba-chan? He’s been asking since 2001 anyway.
And while I’m on the subject, you can stop asking me to model for you too. I don’t care if you want to practice drawing human anatomy; I’m not going to pose for two hours for you. Why don’t you just take a picture after our concert tonight? I’ll wash your hair.
Love,
Ninomiya Kazunari
[Guru]
PS. I learned a new trick last week… it’s magic. ♥
_____________________________________
(S)END
Depending on how well this is received, I’ll probably write some more, either from the other members or their replies…. I’m not sure yet.
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